Notes on starting fresh.

Now that 2011 is over, I've spent some time reflecting on things.

This past month has been really hard for me. It's been a strange transition period and most of the gap-year'ers that I've spoken to have said the first three months of settling in are the hardest. It just so happened that month #2 fell over Christmas and New Years.

It's hard to settle in. I still don't really know my roommates or even whether or not they like me. Sometimes there are little things with all of us that is just the normalcy of getting used to living with other people. Other times it's seems like I'm the awkward third-wheel hermit in the household since I'm coming into an already close friendship and I'm still not quite used to how the things work around the house. But I pull my weight, I clean up after myself and I keep to myself for the most part. I'd like to be friends with my roommates and have them feel like they can open up to me too, but perhaps that will come with time.
Friends are another problem with the job I work at. I'm acquaintances with a couple of Emma's coworkers, but aside from that, Emma is the only person I regularly hang out with. I haven't seen Ameen in about a month, and the few people here and there that I've met haven't amounted to a whole lot of friendship. Which is the problem with working in the tourism industry for a small shop. I don't have work friends and I talk to tourists all day. It's taking a toll on my sanity a little bit which is why I've decided to make some changes.
I've certainly found out who my real friends are since I've been traveling. Some people whom I considered my closest friends back home have turned out to be the ones I've spoken with least. I in no way expected them to drop their lives to keep up with mine abroad, but I expected more out of friendships that I've put a great deal into. But with that said, there have been friendships that have grown stronger despite the distance and it's been a lifesaver. During the times that I've been lonely and homesick, rather than them saying,"Yeah, things suck here too", they have simply listened and assured me that things will look up. They reaffirm my faith in what I'm doing, which is one of the greatest things a friend can do for you. I've learned a lot about my friendships and I am endlessly thankful for the friends whom have kept by my side through the more difficult times of moving my entire life overseas.
So this evening after some confusing household tension with my roommates and a serious bout of homesickness I decided to take a walk. I first stopped by Ameen's shop to see if he was in (he wasn't) so I decided to take a walk around the nearly empty Princes street. Since the Christmas markets have closed, it was like a carnival graveyard. All of the rides were still set up, but no one was in sight. It was very peaceful as I walked around the National Gallery and up the mound, and up some streets that I hadn't been down before. I walked down a nearly deserted Royal Mile and then instead of turning at Sainsbury's to my flat, I continued down London Road. As I walked, I realized that I just needed to adapt to my surroundings if I wanted to get where I was going. I've been timid with this city and my job and life here, worrying too much. And so I decided that with the new year, the new place and the many changes I have already undergone, I would find the new niche that I was seeking.
So here's to 2012. I feel that I'm going in a good direction.

Playlist: Blink-182's Neighborhoods.